We left home around 4 something to avoid traffic. We stopped and had a fun family meal at Cracker Barrel along the way. Even the dinner was fun. The kids were filled with Christmas silliness. I delighted in other people smiling at us. Sometimes I have to almost pinch myself that I’m grown up with two kids making my own traditions.

The drive was so worth it! We got out and walked the entire premises. Both kids LOVED running free. I dunno….it was just one of those nights. Those moments.

We always pray for death to be sudden and easy, and hers was. She didn’t suffer for days on end, she was relatively pain free. And she left this planet gracefully.

Because it all happened so fast, it took a few days after her burial for it all really to set in. In fact, I still have moments where I think, did that really just happen?

What’s hardest for me is, unlike my Mamaw who died in April, Mimi was fully aware of her surrounding leading up to her death. I held her hands and prayed peace over her the night we got to the hospital. I spent time talking to her the next few days. But, the hardest was Thursday, the day before she passed.

I got to the hospital early that morning as for some reason the Holy Spirit the night before had told me I needed to. I think I was there around 7. She had just gotten a bath and was in such a great mood. We laughed and chatted about my kids. She left for an x-ray and upon returning her mood had saddened. Sensing this I crawled up in her bed and took her hands. She looked up at me and said, “I’m going to die.” I never expected to hear those words. I had no idea what to say or what facial expression to respond with. I just did the only thing I knew to do…pray. I prayed that the time she had left on this earth would be filled with peace. That she could rest comfortably and know that we would all be okay. Really, I’m not even sure I said most of that, but my heart was saying it. You see, we were told it was grim, but the doctors had advised us not to discuss that with her as it only made their final days harder….but in that one statement it was clear that she knew her time here was ending. I’m crying for the first time in weeks thinking of the conversation, but I don’t ever want to let its importance slip from my mind. She knew, and she wanted us to know she knew.

That afternoon she was transferred to a nursing home. (medicare red tape about not being able to stay in the hospital) I had plans that evening that I really wanted to get out of but had to attend. I wasn’t planning to go see Mimi, but just as I was feeding the kids I knew I needed to go. She was alert but becoming less responsive. She had slept most of the day (as we had prayed for). She was enjoying the company of my cousin, a great grandchild and my uncle. We prayed before I left.

Early the next morning I got the call that we needed to go to the home and that the time was approaching. She had become unresponsive overnight. They gave us time to say goodbyes and what not. But I had no goodbye to say. I felt semi-awkward NOT saying something, but I knew it had all been said. I knew that she was ready and I knew it was her time.

We all left at 3, she passed at 7 with my mom and aunt by her side.

It still hasn’t sunk in. I’m not sure when it will. I guess the first event that she misses. I may not have gone to see her as often as I should but she was always there. Every birthday, holiday, graduation, birth, you name it….The thought that just weeks before we celebrated her 92 birthday is kinda unreal…fast. It was just so fast.

So I guess that’s it. There isn’t much more to say. I received this sometime during it all and want to share it.

God saw you getting tired,

a cure was not to be.

So He put His arms around you

and whispered, “come with Me.”

With tearful eyes we

watched you slowly fade away.

Although we loved you dearly

we would not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,

your hard-working hands put to rest.

God broke our hearts to prove to us,

He only takes the best.

Here is a trailer, it should like to FB. Sorry I can’t embed it.

CLICK HERE

Now, this film is coming to theaters in September! As with many faith based films, we have to convince local theaters that these are the types of movies we want to see. Right now there are many efforts going on to get this movie in as many cities as possible. Please join us in this effort by signing up and “demanding it.”

Here is the DFW local “demand it” : Click Here

And here is the official website in case you aren’t in my area: CLICK HERE

And just for fun, here are some of my favorite shots from my one month stay in Florida:

(gosh, i could cry remembering these times and seeing how young Kai was **tear** where is time going)

my view and a picture of our beachfront home for the month

Kai Seeing the ocean for the first time

It was January so it was pretty cold the majority of our stay

As a wife I lean so heavily on my husband. For guidance, love, companionship, just to name a few. I’m so blessed to have a husband that seeks the Lord before anything. I may not always like what he has to say or do, but I know as the head of my house, he has prayed about every step.

I know Chad is fully committed to us and to The Lord and hearing this just touched me that he is such a great leader in my home. I’m so grateful that I have the privilege of being his wife!

Sniff sniff sniff……….

And if you are like me you love the “behind the song”

The Story Behind “Lead Me” – Sanctus Real from BrightBulb Entertainment on Vimeo.

On the third Roanoke held their annual celebration/fireworks. Lyndee and I decided we didn’t want to do much. We frequently go to her mom’s and let the kids play outside for hours. We don’t have to entertain….all we do is make sure everyone is fed and happy and we get to sit back and relax. We had talked and both wanted to be able to chill on the 3rd. So, we made and easy menu, blew up the pool and sat back to relax. Of course, we also got drenched in a sudden storm but it was all fun. Our great friends the Miles’ joined us.

After playing at my in-laws, we went up and parked in front of the church, perfectly positioned across the road from the fireworks. I wasn’t sure how the night would go, honestly. First of all, Kenlee is in bed between 6:30 and 7 every night. The fireworks didn’t even START until 9:35. Yikes. I went totally prepared to leave early, but somehow girlfriend pushed through. My other concern was Kai. Kai has never mad it through a fireworks show. We usually end up in the car. The sound really bothers him. But, by the end of it, he didn’t have his hands over his ears….PTL!

By the time is was all over and I was driving home Kai said, “mom, i’m so tired can i just change and get in bed?” ha! I have never heard that from him.

All and all a GREAT day.

Then, on the actual fourth, after church, we headed over to my parents. I love their new backyard. We really cut our night short on the fourth. I think the kids were still so sleep deprived. Kai was asleep by 7:30 and Kenlee 7. Not going to lie, those are great nights!

Okay, okay, her birthday was really Sunday but that was a busy day for us as it was EPs only day off.

What a roller coaster year, really. I remember in the weeks before Starlet was born I would randomly cry thinking of how I was changing all of our lives and would SB ever forgive me. I would brag about how I wasn’t too worried about this one because I had done it all once before. Seriously, I ATE MY WORDS!

It was a matter of minutes after delivering that child that I realized I had just entered the unknown. Girlfriend came out SCREAMING and screaming she did for a long time.

(me shhhhh-ing Starlet)

I remember kinda feeling like a bad mom those first few minutes because I could not stop her…the midwives are all staring at me (not really, but my hormones told me they were)…the photographer….EP…my parents. Once we got home that day (at 9am) i remember trying to take my midwives advice and sleep but I was way too pumped, so I wrote out my birth story instead. I regretted that decision at about 11p.m. when Starlet woke up crying…and crying…and crying… I told EP at one point, “send her back we got a broken model.” At 6 am, after being up over 24 hrs, we finally ALL slept.

(still not sleeping @ her newborn shoot with Keri)

I remember the first month being such an adjustment (duh). Trying to figure out how to get everyone to bed…sleep deprivation…nursing issues…Starlets projectile vomit issue… What had I done?? I kept telling myself, 12 weeks…. but in the back of my head I was looking forward to November (6 months). Then, EP left for Kentucky and I understood fully the terms of man-to-man defense versus zone coverage. I seriously can hardly remember anything about last summer at all. They aren’t lying when they call the first three months the “black hole.” Because one day, around 12 weeks, you wake up and go, OOOOOhhhh, I’m human again.

But there were so many fun things you to look back on…. (Trust me you really don’t recognize them when you are in the hole). Ummm….and as I sit here trying to remember them all I can come up with is her first smile?? Geesh…bad mommy….I guess they also aren’t lying about that second kid syndrome. maybe these…. (i can’t resize them??)

Starlet took her first flight in June at 6 weeks to Kentucky. (funny, i don’t remember her ever sleeping that much!)

In October, we relocated to Charlotte, NC for three weeks.

January she had her first “road trip” up to Tulsa to see daddy….and another one in February. The first trip it snowed HUGE so we couldn’t do much. The second trip we contracted pink eye. Yay!

In May, um now, we are in Pigeon Forge, TN. I have to say she is one adaptable baby. Though it is getting a bit harder the more mobile she is….crawling on hotel floors = yuck!

Other fun things….

And the other day my girl Mae (who was the receptionist at my Chiropractors office all while I was pregnant and she was pregnant and we bonded. She’s also the first none family member to be introduced to Kenlee) ANYWAY – Mae asked if she could come take some pics of Startlet…uh, yeah. So here are some cuties!

And this one from this weekend of her on set (everyone has awesome cameras on set—major lens-envy)

Right now we are in Pigeon Forge, TN on location for EP’s latest film. I can’t tell you how blessed we are…I mean, 4 films this year…four new cities…so much fun! My kids are becoming excellent travelers.

Pigeon Forge is, uh, different to say the least. I guess my travels have always been limited to my parents taste (which have become mine) which means mainly beaches and a few cabins so PF is a new thing for me. This is the family vacation hub of the south. Flashing lights and odd (yes, that is the best word) buildings flank each side of the ‘parkway.’ But once you get beyond the hustle and bustle of the “vacation hub” you find yourself in the beautiful and serene smoky mountains.

I’ve made a funny list of things you don’t have a shortage of in Pigeon Forge.

1) Motels, motels, motels…. seriously, in my life i have never seen so many in one condensed location. Almost all advertise their free breakfast, swimming pools, and occasionally in room jacuzzis.

2) Pancake Houses. I wish I were lying. You’d think with all the free breakfast being advertised people wouldn’t be needing breakfast joints, but they are EVERYWHERE (EP and I counted 10 within a 2 miles – maybe less – stretch of road). I’m not talking about breakfast places in general (as there are even more of those) but places that are called ‘pancake houses.’ On second thought, if the “breakfast” at most hotels is like ours…i totally understand the need for so many pancake houses.

3) go carts, mini golf, and arcades. you’ll find these on every block as well. what’s funny is i can only think of two in the DFW area and they usually spread out, right, as to not compete too much. not here these bad boys are lined up down the street one after another. its often hard to tell where one ends and another begins.

4) As Seen on TV stores. This is a new concept to me. Stores fully devoted to stuff seen on TV. I really do need to make a point to go to one. I mean, i LOVE as seen on TV stuff, but store after store after store??

5) Outlets. Again, everywhere I turn there is a new outlet mall. But, as the frugal shopper I am, I still think outlets aren’t that much cheaper. I think they call it an outlet to get you in and then only mark down the price a few dollars…and people think its a steal so they buy a ton. Or maybe ‘m just far to aware of the prices of my most frequently purchased stuff. I did however score Stride Rite shoes for BOTH kids $30 TOTAL. Now that’s a steal!

6) dinner theaters. this is where my raising must have been a little different. i have ZERO desire to go see these “dinner” theaters. they all look cheesy and cheap. i’m sure they are fun, if that’s your kind of thing, but it’s not mine. and this gets me thinking, where do all talent live?? i’ve hardly seen any residential areas.

So the main strategy here in PF – build build build the same thing over and over and over again….and right next to you competition.

okay….off to the dinosaur museum and cracker barrel for lunch. we don’t have a car today so i can only do things within walking distance. maybe the hotel pool is in my future. but i showered this morning already and i hate swimming on the day i shower….is that weird?? okay now i’m just being random. baby is up!

(2004 – my reception – Mamaw, Aunt Gloria, Mimi, Edwin -mimi’s boyfriend)

You see, Mamaw was a grouchy old lady. Its okay, she was, we said it plenty when she was living we can certainly say it now. The whole room could be sitting around the table laughing and she’d sit there with a scowl. She was on to us about everything growing up. In my head at this moment I can HEAR her saying/yelling, “kenneth!” to my daddy.

She was honestly one of the best cooks in the world. Fried chicken, biscuits, you name it southern food and this woman could do it right. And looking at her equipment you’d wonder how such a massive amount of good tasting food could be prepared for such crowd. And she was tiny! How did such a grease filled woman stay so tiny — I think I can see why Diva can eat all she wants and not gain weight!

Mamaw never learned to drive or swim. She worked at Montgomery Ward until they had to force her to quit. She loved my Papaw more than anything in this world. The devotion that her generation shows to their husbands as compared to my generation is amazing. Seriously, ladies, why don’t we treat out men like they did?? (Anyway, that’s a whole other blog isn’t it??)

The majority of my memories of mamaw including cooking, yelling, scowling or tooting. (Yup, I said it.) Then occasionally, OCCASIONALLY, you’d get her rolling. She had a beautiful laugh, even if I didn’t hear it enough (and very rarely after we lost Papaw 20 years ago).

I would say she will be great missed, but I think everyone knows she’s where she’s happiest….with Papaw….okay and I’m sure Jesus aint too bad either. {{BIG GRIN}}

the negotiator was born a year and a half after SB. SB didn’t really know what to make of him…

By Christmas they were fighting over uncle tory’s attention.

Then, SB suddenly decided he liked The Negotiator. (Guess he figured out TN wasn’t leaving)

Soon, SB and The Negotiator became best buds. I guess that happens when you are together most of the week. Up until SB was 3 (so a year and a half) they both stayed at Nana’s while mommies worked. They also spent Sundays and Wednesdays in the church nursery together. And then there is the fact that The Negotiator’s Mama and I LOVE to hang out on her day’s off. We play outside at Nana’s, go to the Zoo, the rodeo, the park, the list goes on.

The Negotiator gets his name because he is just that, a negotiator. It’s hilarious. He will stretch you as far as he can. His favorite word for awhile was “I JUST” I just put it over there. I just touch this part. What ever we say he tried to put his spin on it.

These two boys are like brothers. They love like brothers….and they fight like brothers.

(waiting on Uncle Tory)

Best Cousins Forever…..

HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY NEGOTIATOR!!!!!!!!